The Cut and Run Enquirer
Lamp Injury Proves Fatal!
Alex Goldup of Enterprise UK has been involved in a head-on collision with a daylight therapy lamp. Alex sustained minor injuries, but the lamp sadly died on impact. Alex believes the lamps location was at fault “it was surely a health and safety risk, on the floor like that, and the light was blinding – I was like deer caught in headlights!” Vanessa Brown and Bonnie Harris, witnesses of the incident and guardians of the lamp are undertaking counseling to come to terms with their loss.
Alex “I always thought I sounded street” Goldie. I’m not sure if words can express how sad I am about your departure. Without your shiny happy face, and endless enthusiasm we may all become shells of our former selves…
I’ll miss the long words, the sibling-like squabbles (mainly about food and newspaper supplements), the accidents, the obstacle course behind your chair (that I have to climb over everyday), the weird chicken on a stick, the use of ridiculously long words, the inability to make a point quickly (except while talking to journo’s on the phone), which leads me nicely to –REALLY loud phone conversations, man crushes, Peter Andre pictures, the Sainsbury’s gym bag, bagels, the ability to sniff (or sense?) food at least 10 meters away (I still don’t understand how you do that), cat love, and of course chats about Lost.
VB’s lost her lefty, Zohra’a left her righty, and we’ve all lost the only man on our desk. Can’t you still come in, but just work for someone else?
Come back and see us at The Sun, even just to get the repayment for the coffee/lunch and granola bar I owe you for!
Good-luck in your new job. I’m sure they’ll love you as much as we do X
Going4Goldup 