Going for…Going4Goldup

Greetings all – news digest below. The papers were insignificant today, as I’m sure you’ll agree there is only one news-worthy story – Alex Goldup’s sad departure from EUK. In this vein there are a plethora of farewell messages and anecdotes worth reading. Enjoy! Sob…

Sarah Vickery

Hey Big Spender!!

Daily Mirror: New Entrepreneur

Alex Goldup, known for his fruit addiction has decided to put turn his passion into profit and start a fruit stall. One customer said they were drawn to his stall

by his extremely triangle body, his sexy accent and the call of ‘apples and pears come and get em’ in a strangely polite phone voice!!

To date Alex has made the vast sum of £2.37, he says his profit margins are low because he can’t stop eating all the fruit!! (reporter: Sarah Vickery)

Kirstine Murphy

Alex Goldup

Daily Telegraph: Business

‘Alex leaves Enterprise UK for pastures new’

Alex Goldup leaves EUK for new job.

Also on Yahoo News: http://uk.yahoo.com/news/alex goldup

All the very best in your new role, I will miss you and the Sunday magazines! Kirstine

Golden moments with the Enterprise UK team

VANESSA ‘LEFTY’ BROWN

Wind up merchant!

Newly accredited Coffee specialist…

Well, I don’t even know where to start. You started, You MADE YOUR MARK and now You are going!!

As a successor of my last ‘Lefty’ you have defo proved yourself to be simply the best. I am defo going to miss your routine 11am and 3pm snack time, the smell of peanut butter under my nose just before lunch and your smelly chicken sticks from M&S ….. > along with your loud chomping sounds that I am reminded of right now as you chomp away next to me …… <>

Our moments of man appreciation will be sorely missed and as you were unable to keep Peter on your desk for not wanting to draw attention to your mankini body desires, I have hand selected one for you to treasure for the rest of your life!! Please see below….

Since the Goldup Come dine with me SPECIAL is yet to happen please send an outlook request to us your friends here who are going to starve and not eat until we get this invite… we are also on some mad kind of food fad so please don’t test this one out.!!

We have had a real brotherly sisterly love for each other and being able to wind you up at any given time has been really funny. I think my best memory is your gym bag….. Sainsbury’s bag for life! I am so glad that my stylish ways forced you to feel bag and invest in a real mans bag. That was one of my proudest moments.

There is so much i could say but it all boils down to the fact you will be sorely missed by me but keep in touch on FB and I will even set up a Twitter for you.

Best of luck

VB xx

Fiona Carnegie

‘Once a PR, always a PR’

You’re definitely the nicest man in PR. Watch out Max Clifford, there’s a new breed of Spin Doctor in town. And he deals in kindness and smiles and bagels, not fear and filthy lucre. GOOD LUCK!!!

Rodney Egoh

King of Cash
‘Rodney your glutton for punishment/ Rodney I admire you, on so many levels/so how are the night vision googles going?’- Alex G, any time, any date, any where

Alex G, sorry to hear that you are leaving, who will I lean on for morale support when the rest of your team TRY to batter my “EGOH”?

It’s been a pleasure having you here, all the best at the new post and whatever you turn your hand to in the future, you’ll be missed by all. You were almost a ledge! (ledgend that is). Keep in touch.

Jos Smart

Alex- ‘Why does Jos always have that sh*t eating grin on his face?’ (That hurt Alex.)

Alex. I told you the other day that despite what you may think, I do actually hold you in very high regard. Sure, I derive a large amount of amusement from your high-pitched nonsensical ramblings, your superfluous use of the English language and your self-professed buffoonery. Such actions are the cause of, what you so affectionately termed, my ‘sh*t-eating’ grin. But behind all of that there is genuine affection.

You’re a top chap. Plus you went to school with Akala and Ms. Dynamite. I’m sure you’re more hood than your letting on. You need to come out with ‘the lads’ in Hackney sometime. You may get roughed up a little bit, you might even lose your oyster card, but once you make it out the other side there’s a good chance you’ll be granted honourary ‘lad’ status (provided you stay away from the white wine).

Big love mate x

Bonnie Harris

The Cut and Run Enquirer

Lamp Injury Proves Fatal!

Alex Goldup of Enterprise UK has been involved in a head-on collision with a daylight therapy lamp. Alex sustained minor injuries, but the lamp sadly died on impact. Alex believes the lamps location was at fault “it was surely a health and safety risk, on the floor like that, and the light was blinding – I was like deer caught in headlights!” Vanessa Brown and Bonnie Harris, witnesses of the incident and guardians of the lamp are undertaking counseling to come to terms with their loss.

Alex “I always thought I sounded street” Goldie. I’m not sure if words can express how sad I am about your departure. Without your shiny happy face, and endless enthusiasm we may all become shells of our former selves…

 I’ll miss the long words, the sibling-like squabbles (mainly about food and newspaper supplements), the accidents, the obstacle course behind your chair (that I have to climb over everyday), the weird chicken on a stick, the use of ridiculously long words, the inability to make a point quickly (except while talking to journo’s on the phone), which leads me nicely to –REALLY loud phone conversations, man crushes, Peter Andre pictures, the Sainsbury’s gym bag, bagels, the ability to sniff (or sense?) food at least 10 meters away (I still don’t understand how you do that), cat love, and of course chats about Lost.

VB’s lost her lefty, Zohra’a left her righty, and we’ve all lost the only man on our desk. Can’t you still come in, but just work for someone else?

Come back and see us at The Sun, even just to get the repayment for the coffee/lunch and granola bar I owe you for!

Good-luck in your new job. I’m sure they’ll love you as much as we do X

Laurie Jarmain

Alex Goldup has broken the world record for voice projection, a spokesperson for the Guinness Book of Records confirmed today. During one recent phone call, the Communications Assistant’s dulcet tones were heard as far away as Inis Oirr (pronounced In-‘Is-Ear) an island off the West Coast of Ireland, home of fictional hero, Father Ted.  Wildlife and marine enthusiasts have linked Alex’s vocal resonation to a spate of whale activity off the coast, recently dubbed the ‘Goldup Phenomenon’.

Alex darling, I’ll miss ear wigging on your happy chappy chatter across the office and your oh-so-polite charm offensive launched at all the dirty journos. I will continue to wonder if you are ever in a bad mood. And what it would take to make you throw a real strop.

Maybe instant coffee.

I should have tested that.

Lots and lots of luck with the new job. Don’t be a stranger.

Laurie x

Emma L. (Bevster/Bevoid/Beverly/ Bevlin) Bevan – Usability/ UX/ Ideas/ Bonkerdness Designer Clown

“You used to be on my periphery, but you’ve moved to a much closer place recently”
“What? Like Mercury or something”
“No, don’t go too far. Maybe Saturn”
 
Alex G! – I’m so sad that the moment I’m closer than just the periphery, not just a “take ‘em or leave ‘em” type, you go and leave. How can our friendship bloom and blossom now? Not even time for an intensive 2-day bonding sesh (which would mostly consist of both of us trying to get a word in edgeways. Maybe some peanut butter would be involved). Now who will help me eat all the treats I’d feel too guilty to eat all by myself. Best of Luck G-man – I think we’ll be hearing about you pretty soon in an official, press-related capacity, even if you are all the way down in Victoria and we don’t get to see you in The Sun often enough. Pob Lwc and all that xxx (*sob*)

Sumeet Vermani

“Fooooooood where??”

 Mr G – another EUK male bites the dust! Daily news digests, Chicken on stick, your loathing of all things salad, your loving of all things food in the office, your gun show battles with Jos, wine in the Sun, pizza Fridays, advocate of blogging, the co-alition we were never able to form….

All great memories of you for me from your time at EUK. You have been a great person to have around the office, always with a smile on your face, willing to help, banterful (I made that one up but you can take it with you) and you will be missed. Good luck in the future, am sure you will go on to great things and whatever you do stay in touch!

Zarina Raja

‘I’m breaking up with you’

Hi Goldie, I am 100% heart-broken that you are leaving Enterprise UK, but, as discussed, we are going to be real friends, in real time, in the real world (North London yeah). You really have made Enterprise UK a flippin’ riot for me Alex, seriously. I am not being dry or dark. I am so sorry about the time I resurrected the make your mark fanpage and I also apologise for the time that I humiliated you in a meeting like a drunk wife at a dinner party. See you soon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKQOTnWb9GU

Kate Fredericks

Daily Squander: Miscellaneous

‘News digest writer vanished…’

The PR coordinator at Enterprise UK is missing… suspect identified as Kate Fredericks from the Education team, but more likely to be the unsuspecting Luc Benyon!

Alex although we have had our moments… I love to hate you and I hate to love you… I will miss your regular 10 seconds in between hitting send on your computer then wandering through to the west side to deliver your newspapers to the library. Good luck in your new job and I hope you find a nice house in the not too distant future!

Margaret Olszowka

‘Boys’ accident proneness’ 

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article1769517.ece

Dear Alex,

It was great working with you! Your broad, vibrant and friendly style definitely overshadowed your rather perpetual but never mischievous fallouts with electrical equipment in our office. Thumbs up for taking your career to the blossoming point. Cheers, Margaret

Elena Di Antonio

“Good luck with the new job, I will miss your Mediterranean spirit!”

Zohra Hirji

“I’m proud to be handing over my messy desk status to Zohra”

Alex, you’ve been a great desk buddy since I joined and I’m honestly going to miss the light hearted (yet very well articulated!) banter you give the team. I’ll fly the flag for messy desks everywhere and ensure there are hazards on the floor to trip over just in your memory. Good luck in the new role – we’ll miss you heaps but I know you’ll be awesome. Lots of love Zohra xx

Silviya Gospodinova

Enterprise policy

Enterprise UK: Policy and Research

‘Goldup wades into policy waters’ (Silviya Gospodinova)

The ever-chirpy Alex Goldup is to leave Enterprise UK for the wider and brighter horizons of the public affairs industry. His ‘short but sweet’ news digests and veritable ‘Good morning, policy team!’ will be greatly missed! Good luck in your new job and beware of sharks in choppy waters! Plain sailing!

Richard Strudwick

Hey Big Spender!!

Daily Mirror: New Entrepreneur

Alex Goldup, known for his fruit addiction has decided to put turn his passion into profit and start a fruit stall. One customer said they were drawn to his stall

by his extremely triangle body, his sexy accent and the call of ‘apples and pears come and get em’ in a strangely polite phone voice!!

To date Alex has made the vast sum of £2.37, he says his profit margins are low because he can’t stop eating all the fruit!! (reporter: Sarah Vickery)

Rachel Burkitt

Daily Rag. P 1

Enterprise media and public affairs guru Alex Goldup to quit

STOP PRESS……… News has just come in that public affairs and media guru Alex Goldup has defected from Enterprise UK and formed an alliance with Third Sector PR. Alex found himself wooed by both EUK and Third Sector PR to strengthen his ties and loyalties to both organisations but Third Sector PR was able to offer him the biggest bouquet on offer with more cash, the potential to skive off on the dot of 5.30 and other ‘extras.’ Critical talks to persuade Alex to continue at EUK were foiled by the revelation that Third Sector PR’s ‘extras’ would include bagels on demand.

According to reports, staff at EUK are gutted that Alex is leaving but he said he had to get his priorities right. “It’s been a great learning experience at EUK but the bagel offer was just too tempting especially as cupcakes have also been added to the mix.’

EUK National PR Manager Ochuko Adekoya was unavailable for comment.

Peter Grigg

Daily Policy: Farewell

‘Astonishing future in store for Acland Burghley boy-turned-good’

Head of Policy and former colleague, Peter Grigg, today wished former La Swap ‘Catholic Girl heart throb’ Alex Goldup best wishes for his future career in all things meedja.

In an astonishing climax to events, Peter today visited the queen and formally resigned his position as La Sante Union poster boy to the young pretender, Alex – the youngest and most authentic ‘street’ speaker in Enterprise UKs history.

In a carefully worded statement from his press secretary, Grigg wished Goldup “the brightest of futures” and encouraged “maximum and bold usage  of tanktops in all future endeavours”.

For full story www.tanktopleadershipsecrets.co.uk   

Luc Benyon

Lexicography

Daily Lexigraph: Language

‘Young whippersnapper Alex Goldup invents new word’ (Richard Whiteley)

Enterprise UK Press guru Alex Goldup has got tired with using boring old English words and has decided to invent his own. Not content with using loquacious and indubitably, Alex has decided that the word ‘Slimpickings’ should be formalised to describe slow news days, and ‘absolutelycompletelyandutterly’ should replace the now commonplace ‘yes’. In other news, people at work will miss Alex, one source described as ‘that guy who we will miss’.

Also on The Onion http://www.theonion.com/video/breaking-news-some-bullshit-happening-somewhere,16928/

Hannah Bourne

 Best of luck for your continuing journey on the good ship Public Relations. One day you’ll be Captain! I’m sure you will learn loads in your new role and impress them with your eye for a story and social media savvy too. Enjoy!

Gordon Craig

Another one bites the dust

The Dull Times

‘Shock Resignation!’ (by Nat Again)

Staff at EUK were terrified that the cakes and goodbyes would not repeat itself for the 12^th week running until at last they were saved by another resignation. The immeasurable Alex Goldup will be flying the EUK comms nest for a new role at Third Sector PR an agency specialising in PR and public affairs for charities including Help the Aged, The Stroke Association, Make a Wish foundation and the Youth Sports Trust. A spokesperson said his erudite way with words, sense of humour and can-do attitude will be very much missed, but thank God we get more cake.

Emma Harrison

‘Alex knew the workings of the binding machine inside out.  He will go far’.

Denise Ramsey

Dude I will not miss you silently creeping over to my desk to ask about Market dates lol. However I will miss you saying a cheery Good Morning and the laughter I overhear from your side of the office. Good Luck Mr.

Also if you ever need any Retail or Markets info or in fact any cool songs to run to (S Club 7 does not count) feel free to hit me up on FaceBook or Twitter http://twitter.com/deniseramsey